THE ART OF SLOWING DOWN: REBUILDING CONNECTIONS WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS POST-PANDEMIC
APRIL 11TH, 2022
Illustration by: Karolin Eks.
Author’s Note: As I write this article and reflect on how my life changed because of the pandemic, I want to acknowledge that I was and am very lucky to have been in a safe space where I could contact my friends and family. I would like to emphasise that the story I am telling is subjective and moves within my frame of how I view the world — it might not move the same way as yours.
AMSTERDAM’S LONG WINTER SLEEP
The days get longer, the trees blossom, and the sun unexpectedly lights up our mornings — spring in Amsterdam is here. For a few weeks now, it has been possible to meet friends at bars, go to work and study at university, enabling us to finally enjoy the endless possibilities of a city opening its doors again.
When reflecting on this seasonal shift, I remember how I felt coming back to Amsterdam in January after spending a few much-needed weeks in the UK with my partner and his family. Our plane set off just when the Netherlands chose to enter a temporary winter sleep, and we landed in an equally grey and rainy country, but the restrictions didn’t land with us.
Days of reading, binge-watching TV and taking walks merged into one, and I felt like I was ready to re-immerse myself into the business of everyday life back home— only to discover that the cases were rising yet again, and I had to wait in line for over 40 minutes to get tested.
Welcome back to Amsterdam.
BALANCING AN UNBALANCED LIFE
These past few years have been a rollercoaster for me and others. A rollercoaster with many highs and lows, taking us on different paths of unease and fear of what to expect next.
As a highly sensitive, extroverted person, I am always seeking a balance between stimulating experiences and time to connect with myself. I endured lockdown (after lockdown) by reading self-help books, trying yoga and meditation, and journaling endlessly flowing streams of thought on paper.
When the prime minister suddenly decided it was time for everything to open up again, I found myself carried away (happily but stressfully) by all the adventures this beautiful city has to offer. As a result, I got about five colds because of all the stress and the imbalance from the previous half-year. It was time for a change.
This is a personal piece constructed of voices who have experienced the same and are still trying to find that balance with themselves and those around them. Maybe, you will recognise a little of your own experience in them too.
IN CONVERSATION WITH FRIENDS
I asked my friends Barto and Ana Paula, both 21 and studying at the University of Amsterdam, about the pandemic, and if they felt like it influenced their relationship with themselves and others.
Barto: “Yes. When I moved to Amsterdam, everything was closed, and I had to isolate myself. I spent a lot of time in my head, which wasn’t a good place for me because of previous things I went through. […] Then, in the beginning of 2021, I tried something different and began to distract myself with physical activities. This helped at first but also made me feel very detached from my emotions. Only now do I feel like I’m starting to reconnect with myself and gain confidence in having a comfortable space inside of my head.”
Ana Paula: “Overall, I became way more introspective and self-conscious. I had to be more selective of who I was seeing and realised that I was always busy and in a hurry to do stuff. When the pandemic came, that caused a big crisis because now I had to slow down and stay in. Being alone with myself made me self-aware of the toxic patterns that I had and made me more self-reflective of those and how to start healing them.”
I wondered whether life after lockdown also influenced their ability to balance time spent on themselves and social time with others.
Barto: “Yes, it f*cked up my whole life [laughs]…coming from a white and privileged position, though. Beforehand I felt like I had a clear overview of the time I needed to spend on myself and the time I needed for people. But then corona happened, and I overdid spending time with myself, and then things opened up again, and I overdid that as well. I struggled to take time for myself, and I was feeling so much FOMO [Fear Of Missing Out]. Now I feel like I gained a bit more balance, even though I’m still working on it. I wasn’t able to put up boundaries for myself, and now I’m slowly learning to do that. It’s working, and I’m very happy with that.”
Ana Paula: “Definitely, the pandemic taught me how to enjoy being with myself, and when things opened up again, it was hard to balance seeing people and taking rest. I noticed how exhausted I got from that. I’m still working on finding a good mix between going back to normal, to cafés and to events, and also not leaving the hobbies that I picked up, such as reading and learning more about photography. It’s been a challenge.”
And finally, I asked them if there is any advice that they are willing to give to others who are struggling with the same thing?
Barto: “I would say, be gentle with yourself. Seek help when you can and if you feel comfortable and know that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes. Try to find things that help you get out of your head, routines you can stick to. And masturbate, if you can and if you enjoy to, or enjoy other people if you’re comfortable with that. Try to eat what you like, focus on your body, and respect yourself and your boundaries. Talk to people, take your time, write, and try to spend time outside when the sun is shining. Enjoy the little things.”
Ana Paula: “First of all, it’s been a crisis for everyone in different ways, but I would recommend taking it easy and being gentle with yourself. I understand that there are people that need to go out to work or to do something else but remember that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed by this and that it has been a weird time for all of us, with constantly changing measures. For me, it’s been really helpful to have a support network and communicate to people what’s happening. Know that you’re not alone and that it’s okay if you react differently to stuff than you’re used to; it’s a process everyone is going through. Try to be kind with yourself.”
THE BEAUTY OF SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCES
I want to reiterate that these stories are based on the subjective experiences of my friends. We are not trying to make any generalisations regarding mental health. However, discussing this topic with others helped me reflect on my personal experiences and made me realise the beauty in sharing feelings with each other — and trying to embrace our own.
On this note, I want to share some works of poetry and art I came across recently that deeply touched me. The works are featured in the sweet-thang zine issue 6, Healing and created by Jasmine-Karis, @jasminekarisofficial on Instagram. For this article, I chose to cite the words of Sit Still, and Solitude, but I highly recommend checking out the beautiful art that accompanies Jasmine-Karis’ stories on the concept of healing.
SIT STILL
City life can instil a continuous rhythm
of doing and moving and thinking.
Since being on lockdown I have
Come to appreciate sitting still and
Just spending time with myself.
SOLITUDE
I think I mention quite a lot how
important it is to have a healthy
support network, especially when
healing but it’s also important
to highlight that you’ve also
got to be a part of your own
support network for yourself.
In my own personal experience, it’s
been useful to take time out and
spend that time with loved ones for
a while (especially in the initial part
of the process).
Then in my own time,
when I’m ready – I spend
time with myself, consciously
dedicating small parts of my
day to myself as I would
with a friend.
I realise that it is okay to feel disconnected at times from myself and those around me. I am not the only one who experiences this, and neither are you. A few months ago, the streets were nearly empty, and who knows what it will be like in the near future.
But for now, I am grateful to be able to share a cup of coffee with a friend, meet people out and about, and have the freedom to do something I love every day. Amid a busy week filled with meetings, work and socialising, I try to take a step back and find a moment of stillness. I invite you to do the same, to enjoy the little things and try to practice the art of slowing down.
