My block midi Addiction Is Slowly But Surely Ruining All Aspects Of My Life*
Custom illustration provided by the wicked talented Zosia Bielewska. For more, be sure to check out @iamdsrdr on Instagram!
Let me begin by making a point of the fact that I am not, have never been, nor will I ever be a Tetris person. Except for that one sad summer of 2015, during which I did engage with the website tetris.com and its free browser-based online version of the game, but that was an isolated incident. I was entering grade 7, which back home used to kick off middle school (we don’t even have middle school anymore). I was lost, and insecure, and had already said an official goodbye to all my primary school friends as I symbolically grieved the person I was with them. Middle school did kind of suck. However, I met a lot of great people who would become my friends all the way through high school and who I cherish dearly to this day. I have not opened a browser tab with tetris.com since that one summer.
So why was it that me – who never particularly cared for the ever-falling, slightly funky-shaped clusters of square blocks which you are to stack on top of each other, filling every empty crevice of the screen in an imperfectly orchestrated orgy of shapes and colours, and for them to line up in a perfect horizontal line, disappear from the display, and then reappear in the form of points added to your score – found herself entrapped in what is nothing more than a promotional joke amid black midi’s latest album rollout? Was it something about May 2022, my sociability at that time, or pressure and stress of seeing my first year at university to completion which led me to this place? Have I since been reliving a more dire, yet more mature version of that 2015 summer as through a glass, darkly?
Whatever the case, something about this monochromatic, buggy online Tetris rip-off (set to a cacophonic black midi the band and black MIDI the genre instrumental, which incorporates 8-bit style sound effects and first intrigues you, then makes you want to rip your head off to finally overwrite all your thoughts and worries with a wall of sound) called to a thing hidden deep within – a void I filled with interests, and kind words, and seemingly infinite enthusiasm. Suddenly, all of that felt incredibly effortful and energy-consuming in comparison. Why bother, when I can mend the gaps with yet another black and white cluster of blocks in a recognizable, slightly funky shape.
At first, it was merely something to do with my hands when doing other things. Important note, I muted the tab. Comforting properties of the cacophony wore off quite quickly. And so I would open a cheeky block midi window while listening to music, or an audiobook, while watching a TV show, or having a phone call. This led to a habitual dependence, which led to a compulsion, which did not lead to a full-on addiction as stated in the title BUT!!! I did almost miss multiple school deadlines because I would rather do something else and enrich that with the accompaniment of my fingers aggressively pressing laptop keys in growing frustration. Many a tea had gone cold, many a text glanced at but not graced with a response in due time. For that, I feel remorse. I produce this piece in shame, as I hold myself accountable for an expanding preference of an uninspired take on an old arcade game to reality, and put it to an end.
The saddest part? Despite the amount of hours put in, I suck at the game. The top highest score noted and saved amongst block midi players is 446,415 points. Mine is around 26,500. I am not, have never been, nor will I ever be a Tetris person. Or a block midi person at that.
*The subheading for this article was to be “Even My Super-ego Became Compromised As Greep Might Now Be A Self-Superimposed Father Figure To Me”. There is nothing in the contents of this text that relates to the concepts of three interacting agents of the psychic apparatus or my (non-existent!!!) daddy issues. The idea of the Gremlin himself, Geordie Greep, acting as a father to me is both highly amusing and severely terrifying, which makes for both 1. A great hyperbole on block midi’s impact on my personal life, and 2. An artificially long and complicated title and those make me feel all-important and all-relevant which is an enjoyable feeling, please and thank you and good night. Unfortunately, it turned out it was too long to fit your screens. Dramatic irony or saving grace? Your call!
