Alone @ the Club
What is so scary about doing things alone?
Some things are easier than others, I know. Cinema - chill, restaurant - ermm, club? Probably a fat no thanks.
Is it the fear of our own inescapable thoughts or the fear of being perceived that holds us back? It seems solitude should only be enjoyed in private. Cross the line into the public and the performative threshold of acceptability shifts: now under the glare of the open spotlight, a moment of quiet swells into a sad, friendless life in the eyes of scrutinizing passersby. At least that is what the voice in my head says. But then again, she does tend to be quite cruel, and at times, an outright liar. I decided to prove her wrong.
The other day I went clubbing by myself and I loved it.
I may not change your mind, and I certainly am not licensed to suggest this as exposure therapy for social anxiety, however I do hope to at least plant a seed of doubt in what is deemed possible party behavior. Not only can solo clubbing be done, it can be so fun.
Choose your event, whatever you think will make you feel most comfortable. For my first solo experience I went for Friday night disco at Paradiso - easy vibe, chill crowd, nothing too intense or intimidating.
Getting ready plays a crucial role of course. Conduct it as you would in a group. Obviously the pres playlist is unique to personal taste and intention. General rule of thumb is if it makes you feel like a bad bitch, it’s right. Take your time trying on different outfits. Even if you have one picked already, keep experimenting. Put random shit on, combine weird colors and pieces. If it looks wrong, even better, you’ll look so much hotter when you finally put the real fit of the night on. Drink slowly, you need to drag this time out. You’ll realize that without anyone to talk to, an hour is much longer than usual. Start warming up those moves, take some selfies if you are so inclined. Drink a little faster, chart your route to the club.
Your substance of choice is welcome, but proceed with caution. Anything that boosts energy and confidence is a great short cut, but the whole point of this is you don’t need it. Trust me.
The way there demands maximum volume now. I mean you should not be hearing cars honking at you as you swerve recklessly towards your venue. The hardest part is approaching, and you need to ride that self-created high for all its worth.
You have arrived. Get in line. Once you get through this, you’ve made it. This is when all your social anxiety alarms will be blaring in your brain. This is when every impulse in your body will be telling you to go on your phone, check the weather app, keep your headphones in, look down, look away, go away - no! You do not look at your phone, you take your headphones out, you watch the other people in line. Meet those fiery nerves head on, walk straight through the flames and I promise the other side will be beautiful. You stand like you are meant to be there because you are. You are not waiting for anyone, you do not owe an explanation. Consider it a relief.
Eyes up and people may talk to you, making it easier. Or they may not, and that is okay.
It will feel infinite. Time will stand still. But then it will move again. You will walk in and none of it will matter anymore. The worst is over. You’re inside and it’s dark and loud and sweaty and you are indistinguishable from all the other bodies in this pulsing organic machine. In this self-contained world where rules are inverted, you are allowed to let go, and whatever stitches the order of the outside here becomes unraveled, so why should you be afraid.
Dance. Sing. Jump. Spin. Close your eyes or keep them open. There is no right way anymore.
People may approach you or they may not. You may have to choose your area with care. Stay close to those whose presence makes you feel comfortable. Stay safe and aware, but do not worry. Take up your space, do not apologize, move or make them do so.
Grab a drink if you want. If you really want to chat, go for a smoke or to the bathroom. If you want to make a friend, you will, but you really do not have to. It will be 4am before you know it.
Congratulations. You went clubbing by yourself. Did you expect more?
See? There is not much else to it. They say dance like no one is looking, I say let them look. You are here, you are sexy, you are seen. Why do we expect the worst behind other people’s eyes? Is it because we know what goes on behind our own? My voice is quiet now, I proved her wrong. The world did not end, neither will yours.
