HOW TO BE YOUR OWN BARTENDER: QUARANTINE COCKTAIL RECIPES

FEBRUARY 9TH, 2022

Illustrated by: Kristel Jaago.

t’s been two years, clubs still aren’t open and we still can’t waste our money on overpriced cocktails in Sky Lounge (or persuade our dates to buy said overpriced cocktails). 

However, luckily for you, instead of working hard and studying for my masters, I have spent my time making cocktails with my friends and turning our living rooms into our new favourite bars. So, here are my top six quarantine cocktails, with easy to follow instructions. 

COCKTAILS FOR THE LAZY, OR THE ALREADY DRUNK 

These are the easiest-to-make cocktails known to mankind, that literally anyone can make, no matter how inebriated you already are. 

1. Skinny Bitch

Admittedly, this drink has a rather questionable name. However, it will also get you Lindsay Lohan wasted, and save you money because it’s one of the cheapest cocktails to make. 

What do you need? 

• Vodka (If you feel fancy, Absolut. If you’re a broke student, whatever is on offer at Gall & Gall.)

• Sparkling Water

• Lime juice (freshly squeezed is better, but concentrate will also work.)

How to make it? 

You literally just throw all the ingredients together, or at least I do. I tend to measure the vodka with my heart, not my liver. However, if you want a bit more accuracy in your cocktail making, you want to put two ounces of vodka in a glass, add one ounce of lime juice, top it up with water, and then enjoy!

Caution: you cannot taste the alcohol in this drink, so please don’t accidentally end up with alcohol poisoning by downing ten in a row. You will throw up and not want to drink next week (or ever) again.

2. Dark and Stormy 

I love Dark and Stormy’s because they taste sweet, and are easy to drink. They’re also probably the most popular cocktail among my friends as unlike the other cocktails on this list, whatever drink you normally like, you will probably enjoy a Dark and Stormy.

What do you need?

• Rum (I have been told Goslings works best, but you can use pretty much any dark rum.)

• Lime juice (again, freshly squeezed or from concentrate works.)

• Ginger beer (NOT ginger ale. Trust me, I made this mistake and regretted it.)

• Ice

How to make it?

This one arguably requires a little more accuracy when measuring, as adding too much rum will really throw the taste off. Firstly, pop some ice in a glass, or a mug, or a vase, basically whatever drinking vessel you have chosen for your cocktail. Add two ounces of rum, half an ounce of lime juice, and top it up with ginger beer. For larger cups, you can also double these measurements.

Fun fact: Dark and Stormy is the national drink of Bermuda. So, you can recreate the experience of the Bermuda triangle from your own house if you drink enough of these. 🙂

COCKTAILS FOR THE SLIGHTLY MORE ADVENTUROUS

Now, if you’re thinking that you’d like to make a more interesting cocktail, or enact your dreams of being a cocktail bartender without having any of the skills; this section is for you. 

You technically need a shaker for both of these drinks, however, I have had great success using a water bottle and just shaking cocktails in that. You can call me a genius, a BTEC bartender or even a cocktail fraud — but, in my opinion, it works just as effectively as a shaker.

3. Appletini

This cocktail most definitely has my heart, it’s been my favourite for a while and it’s my go-to order when I’m out. In London, this drink would often cost me anything from €10-15. I’m far too broke to afford that regularly, so even before lockdown, I would regularly make these with friends. It’s super sweet, so definitely more for those with a sweet tooth.

What do you need?

• Vodka (I really like the Absolut vanilla for this.)

• Apple Juice

• Maple syrup or agave syrup

• Lemon juice

• Shaker (water bottle/protein shaker/tupperware/anything with a lid)

How to make it?

You’ll need to put 50ml of vodka, 50ml apple juice, 1 teaspoon of lemon juice and 1 teaspoon of syrup into a shaker. You’re meant to fill your shaker with ice, but since I only have ice about 20% of the time, I often put a larger batch in the freezer for 10-20 minutes and then shake it. 

Once you’ve shaken it like its hot sauce, serve it in a martini glass (or any glass). These babies will get you drunk super quickly and are a bit of a different cocktail to impress your friends or your lockdown date with.

4. Cosmopolitan

Yes, this drink screams basic, but channel your inner Carrie Bradshaw and embrace the pink hues of a cosmo because a cosmopolitan is one of the best easy(ish) cocktails to make. Plus, if you make it at home, you don’t have to deal with the judgemental looks of the bartender. 

What do you need?

• Vodka (Citron works best, but you can get away with the vodka at the back of your liquor cabinet.)

• Cranberry juice

• Cointreau (you can actually buy little bottles of these if you’re not planning on making this one regularly.)

• Lime juice

How to make it?

For this iconic drink, once again, you will need either a real shaker or your version of a cocktail shaker. Fill said shaker with ice, or batch make and throw it in the freezer until it’s hit desired temperature. (Or until your desire for alcohol becomes too strong.) 

You’ll need to add 60ml vodka, 30ml cranberry juice, 15ml cointreau and 15ml lime juice to your (potentially ice filled) shaker. Then, shake it as if Samantha is watching you make her drink. Serve in your favourite glass and drink until you run out of ingredients. 

P.S.: If you don’t get the references, please take a day off and watch Sex and the City. You can thank me later. 😉

COCKTAILS FOR THE ADVANCED COCKTAIL MAKERS AMONG US (THEY LIKE TO CALL THEMSELVES MIXOLOGISTS) 

If unlike me, you consider yourself more of a cocktail aficionado, then I have some trickier cocktails for you to try. 

I actually had to consult a so-called mixologist for this, so I can more or less guarantee these recipes actually work. However, if you would like to prove said mixologist wrong and do your own version of ‘correctly’ —  feel free to ignore these instructions.

5. Manhattan

I saw one TikTok that said if you order this drink at the bar, you probably once heard someone fancy-looking order it and now you want to emulate them. 

This drink definitely has that *vibe*. However, you can now wow the bartender and prove you are in fact not that person. Because by knowing what’s in a Manhattan you can thoroughly piss off your bartender by telling them how to correctly make it for you.

What do you need?

• Bourbon

• Sweet Vermouth

• Angostura Bitters

• Ice (The freezer trick sadly won’t work here.)

How to make it?

Firstly, you’ll need to throw a mixing glass (just the cup you’ll use to mix your cocktail together) in the freezer for a couple of minutes. If you don’t have a freezer, I would suggest you buy one, they’re very useful for storing frozen pizza. 

Next you need to put a couple of ‘dashes’ of bitters in the glass, my guesstimating would suggest a tablespoon or two. Then, you’ll need to add 30ml of sweet vermouth, 60ml of bourbon, a handful of ice and stir it all together. Finally, pour it into your serving glass without the ice.

If you have an actual cocktail set up you can use your mini sieve. If not, you can use a normal sieve/colander or even pick out the ice with your fingers. Please sanitise fingers first if the last method is used, coronavirus apparently still exists. 

Now you can enjoy your favourite drink even more smugly, knowing exactly what’s in it and how to make it!

6. Whiskey Sour 

Alright, so this one’s probably the most complicated on this list, but believe me, the taste (and the impressed looks you’ll get from people) are worth it. This has been described to me as a “traditional” whiskey sour because of the inclusion of an egg white. 

Speaking of which, I know what you’re thinking: an egg in alcohol does not sound appealing. I thought the same thing, but the egg white on its own doesn’t actually have that much taste to it, especially when shaken up, and so it just adds an incredible ethereal and fluffy texture to the drink. 

What do you need?

• Bourbon

• Lemon Juice (again, see above)

• Simple Syrup (basically sugar water)

• An egg

• Angostura bitters (for garnish)

How to make it? 

Alright, here we go. First, add 20ml of your simple syrup and 20ml of your lemon juice to a shaker, either home-made or professional. Add 60ml of bourbon, and then crack and separate your egg into the yolk and the egg white. (I would recommend doing this part in a separate container so you don’t waste your other ingredients should you accidentally drop the yolk in with the white. Just saying.) 

Once the egg has been separated, discard the yolk and pour the white in with the other ingredients. Now you’re going to shake it without ice, just to mix the white in with the alcohol really well to get that texture going. After about a minute, open your shaker and now add the ice, then shake for another minute. Almost done! 

Pour your drink (without the ice) into your drinking glass of choice, and let it sit for a few seconds. The egg white should naturally float to the top of the liquid and form a layer, this is what you want! For an added flair, dash your angostura bitters onto this egg white layer to form little brown dots in the white, and use a toothpick or something similar to run through the dots and form all kinds of shapes and patterns. 

Congratulations! You’ve made a super fancy, only slightly pretentious cocktail, and if you’ve stuck with me through all those instructions, maybe you’ve got a knack for this type of thing. Cocktail books are widely available, and if this lockdown doesn’t end soon, you might be in search of a new hobby — and cocktail making is both fun and gets you drunk. 🙂